Thursday, 14 May 2009

Guest Post #2: Stoicism by cereus_sphinx

This was a recent post on cereus_sphinx's livejournal. I asked for permission to crosspost it here, so here it is:

###

OK : Warning this is going to be a really rough draft. But I've been thinking about this for years and I'm finally getting to the point where I can sorta-write about it. I know - I come up with big Ideas, but it can take months/years to say them - it makes for sucky conversation. And the latest post on SM-F triggered this. Because I see one attitude in rape and the other in BDSM I guess.

One of the things that bugs me is the way stoicism gets put up on some pedestal and masochism gets dragged through the dirt.

Stoicism - going into a bad situation DESPITE the fact that you hate it for the benefit of others.

Masochism: going into a bad, dangerous, scary, difficult situation BECAUSE it's something you can enjoy or get something out of that might benefit other people.

It seems that the first one makes you a hero, the second one makes you a creep.

I can't afford to be stoic, it's like my mortal enemy. I see myself stuck in a bad situation that I don't want to be in, frozen because I should just be self sacrificing and put up with it. Going Numb. I see myself turning away from enjoyable things (that others might even appreciate me doing) because I might enjoy them and that would be sick.

Or dancing through flames, unharmed. A plant rooted in bare rock, my face turned towards the unmitigated sun, the monsoon deluge.

(Or in Dune, transforming the Water from poison into the stuff of visions ;) )

Numbness and pain, or joy.

My experience with SM and Hypersensitivity/Aspergers actually are mutually beneficial because they both show how to enjoy myself even if it means doing something different than other people find enjoyable. I can put a soft limit on sustained social interaction and noisy places (and cold :( ). I can fully enjoy 100+ temperatures. My body can perform miracles, It Comes First. No matter if what it wants is not what it's supposed to.

398 comments:

1 – 200 of 398   Newer›   Newest»
Anonymous said...

Cheers on the Dune reference!

Dw3t-Hthr said...

(Hey Trin, I made a 'guest post' tag when I posted the one from Mz. Muse, in case we wind up doing this even occasionally.)

SnowdropExplodes said...

This is a fascinating article, so many ideas.

I think the sex.gender.body site's mantra "there is no 'should'" is really relevant here, because it is the socially-imposed "should"s that lead to these problems (as cereus_sphinx says in the piece). Lose the shoulds and be happy!

ForfietedSanity said...

i can't agree more. Lose the shoulds and just do what makes you happy. we have been so conditioned to think a certain way...

Cereus Sphinx said...

Thanks, Anony... The reference is remarkably apt.

Snowdrop & FortifiedSanity: Yes.. There are very few useful "shoulds" in this world. People seem to confuse normalcy with a directive.

belledame222 said...

Oh, I like that. Yeah, something I've sort of danced around the edges of mentally but never quite articulated.

or, as they say in a number of bodymind therapeutic/etc contexts I've been in:

"Don't -endure.-"

It's tricky when it comes to BDSM because I do think there's a place for "endurance" w/in play/scenes/your term of choice, depending on exactly what people are getting out of the exchange (particular scenes/trips might revolve around it, I can imagine anyway);

but, yeah, subtle distinctions to be had between "riding the edge" (and/or whatever else you might be working through, including specifically needing to do something -for- the top in this context)

and

"gritting my teeth and going through the motions of this thing I believe I'm supposed to be getting something out of that I'm actually not."

tangentially, I don't enjoy playing with bottoms who don't demonstrate much or any reaction, which may or may not be due to a "stoic" trip.

Daniel Kirk said...

I think you may be misinterpreting what Stoicism is. It isn't the denial of emotion. It's simply a philosophy in which we deny emotion control over our decisions, instead keeping Reason in control of decision-making. If what you're doing is right for you and for others around you, following Stoicism means doing it regardless of counterproductive emotions -- including emotions like guilt, embarrassment or fear.

So, really... the sentiments you expressed are perfectly in line with Stoicism. Maybe not the popular conception of Stoicism, but certainly with the genuine philosophy.

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