tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760704342202547222.post4839156923274373942..comments2024-01-26T00:11:44.309-08:00Comments on let them eat pro-sm feminist safe spaces: Women's Libidovertehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07568745576713009205noreply@blogger.comBlogger36125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760704342202547222.post-62458417786172070902007-08-08T02:23:00.000-07:002007-08-08T02:23:00.000-07:00We all are humans..but the point is are we also no...We all are humans..but the point is are we also not animals....just like hunger...we need the ACTION.Libido is the same for everyone...<BR/><BR/>its obvious that after marriage you might loose it a bit...i think..but for a bachelor i guess its always high.<BR/><BR/>Leoleoseventshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12109191667446783286noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760704342202547222.post-57360985204294995852007-07-12T14:30:00.000-07:002007-07-12T14:30:00.000-07:00"I don't feel as in the world as I used to.":( yea..."I don't feel as in the world as I used to."<BR/><BR/>:( yeah, that's exactly how I was when my libido did the same thing. <BR/><BR/>it came back eventually -- after something like a year.<BR/><BR/>a really miserable one. :(Trinityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06846032433424879965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760704342202547222.post-64099998157299351512007-07-08T23:14:00.000-07:002007-07-08T23:14:00.000-07:00Hey, I just got linked here and I'm a week or two ...Hey, I just got linked here and I'm a week or two behind the ball on this one, but I figure two cents is two cents, and I may as well throw mine in.... <BR/><BR/>Through all but the very end of highschool, I had no sex drive. I wasn't interested in sex, I wasn't horny... sex wasn't where I was at. I didn't really understand quite what other people were getting at. My boything introduced me to the delightful world of kink, and then I kinked around for a year and a half. <BR/><BR/>For the first part, I still wasn't into sex, but slowly that showed up in the relationship. For about six months, I was desperately horney and I could not get off. It had never happened. During that time, I could quite literally have had sex all of the time that I was not either collapsed exhausted or eating. Maybe a bath here or there. He, on the other hand, could only go for a few hours before he ran out of energy or had too many orgasms and needed to stop. That sucked. Enormously. <BR/><BR/>Finally, when I was 19, I figured out how to have an orgasm (well, how to be given an orgasm) and then eventually how to have one for myself. My libido dropped off somewhat there, and my libido was manageably high, not impossible. <BR/><BR/>My girlfriend of nine months had a much, much lower libido than I - she wanted sex at most twice a week, and stress made her really not very horny. I wanted sex AT LEAST once a week, and stress didn't do anything at all to dampen my libido (we both have very heavy workloads at school, particlarly for the last quarter). <BR/><BR/>After three months of no sex before school let out and then another couple of weeks after school where her libido "just hadn't recovered yet" (it's not that I don't believe her, it's just that it's really hard to say that to your own libido day after day after day), mine gave up the ghost and hasn't shown its head much since. I still masturbate occasionally, but it's really... disconnected from my everyday life, and it didn't used to be. Now, I decide that I'd like to get off tonight, and then I do. I used to needwant to touch or hurt or be hurt or get off and it wasn't an option it was necessary. And I really don't like this, even though the other option gave me a lot of trouble in both my relationships. I don't feel as in the world as I used to.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08440090293222324467noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760704342202547222.post-47132039878162468002007-07-03T19:58:00.000-07:002007-07-03T19:58:00.000-07:00Welcome, hexyhex.Welcome, hexyhex.Trinityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06846032433424879965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760704342202547222.post-24715122123502966262007-07-02T20:31:00.000-07:002007-07-02T20:31:00.000-07:00Hexy! Welcome, good to see you.Hexy! Welcome, good to see you.belledame222https://www.blogger.com/profile/13947289856453172848noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760704342202547222.post-37493719737610870092007-07-02T19:47:00.000-07:002007-07-02T19:47:00.000-07:00My libido is high enough to sometimes cause proble...My libido is high enough to sometimes cause problems. I'm a two-times-a-day girl if I can get it, and that never seems to drop off. Antidepressents, antipsychotics, contraceptive pills and miserable relationships have all done nothing to squash it. <BR/><BR/>Fortunately my partner is very understanding, and I don't do too badly for myself. *grin* Still... it's rare for me to feel like I'm having "enough" sex, and I've just had to learn to live with that.<BR/><BR/>I'm also incredibly easy to get off, and super-multi-orgasmic. *shrug*<BR/><BR/>Hi, by the way. Love the idea of this blog.hexyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12189529529520498603noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760704342202547222.post-2369464747066378982007-06-28T15:35:00.000-07:002007-06-28T15:35:00.000-07:00This comment has been removed by the author.Trinityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06846032433424879965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760704342202547222.post-84966594914465380582007-06-28T15:19:00.000-07:002007-06-28T15:19:00.000-07:00Yep, a lot of this stems from confusion over the w...Yep, a lot of this stems from confusion over the word “power.” The quotation, which is from Jung (“Where love rules, there is no will to power; & where power predominates, love is lacking.”), does seem either to beg the question of what “power” is, or involve an idiosyncratic sense.<BR/><BR/>Marx tangent: The rhetoric & animating spirit of Marxism <I>was</I> egalitarian (From each …, To each …, etc), but in his system that impulse was in tension with the view that what’s wrong with capitalism is that (according to his theory of value) workers don’t receive the full product of their labor. As he acknowledged, though, some people are more productive than others, & if there were no exploitation, if everyone received the entire product of her labor, some people would be richer than others. His theory of value & exploitation affords no standpoint from which to criticize that kind of unequal outcome, notwithstanding his underlying distaste for inequality. <BR/><BR/>It’s a problem we all have to wrestle with. Not all of the world’s misery is caused by exploitation, oppression, bad actors, etc. A lot is just a misfortune. But there are people who, whenever they’re confronted with misery, are always inclined to look for someone to hate, an oppressor, even when no one’s really to blame. Some feminists also do this, & seem more interested in that part of women’s misery that they think they can pin on some bad person or force than they are in the non-negligible misery that stems from misfortunes that no malefactor caused. I think that’s a mistake for more than one reason.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760704342202547222.post-70546287371972368962007-06-28T13:28:00.000-07:002007-06-28T13:28:00.000-07:00THANK YOU for actually addressing the second half ...<I>THANK YOU for actually addressing the second half of the post. I was beginning to think no one would.</I><BR/><BR/>Alas, I am to this point inarticulate about it. I've been thinking, but it hasn't been working. ;)Dw3t-Hthrhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11584245136407694660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760704342202547222.post-14621996297228457432007-06-28T08:16:00.000-07:002007-06-28T08:16:00.000-07:00Well I shouldn't say it like "that's what this is ...Well I shouldn't say it like "that's what this is always about in SM." Clearly there are dominant folks who are not interested in anything more than their own interests and lots of BJs from someone who performs on cue.<BR/><BR/>And yeah, BAD POWER-OVER.<BR/><BR/>But good power-over gets lost in these discussions, I find. If I try to talk about it, people just stare at me as if I'd said "there is a zebra in this room"<BR/><BR/>because it doesn't fit into their understanding of "power" and what it is.<BR/><BR/>I actually know an LJ-feminist who has something to the rough effect of<BR/><BR/>"Where power is, there love is not<BR/>Where love is, there power is not"<BR/><BR/>TATTOOED ON HER BACK<BR/><BR/>(it's not quite that, but I don't know the actual quote.)<BR/><BR/>and... I understand what it's supposed to mean and why she has it and I think she's a cool person and all<BR/><BR/>but seeing that tattoo just makes me want to bang my head against something. No, no, no! You mean "where exploitation is" or something<BR/><BR/>and even there, there are definite possibilities for strained yet loving dynamics. so... not even.<BR/><BR/>Headdeskopoly.Trinityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06846032433424879965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760704342202547222.post-14233234813528298602007-06-28T08:15:00.000-07:002007-06-28T08:15:00.000-07:00This comment has been removed by the author.Trinityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06846032433424879965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760704342202547222.post-45134683283619510612007-06-28T08:07:00.000-07:002007-06-28T08:07:00.000-07:00"certain people, e.g. MacKinnon, built a whole the..."certain people, e.g. MacKinnon, built a whole theory by crude mechanical analogy to Marx. They were mostly faking it, just bullshitting, didn’t understand Marx at all, & the theory they produced turns out to be so shoddy as to be a scandal."<BR/><BR/>*nods* It's been a long time since I actually read Marx. What exactly WAS he saying? I don't remember gathering from what I read that he could be OK with massive inequalities, but I also don't remember discussion focused around resource distribution either. Much more about labor being personal and being taken from people.<BR/><BR/>And I don't think it's all radfem theorists' take on Marxism that did this. There are silly people floating around the internet that have what are, to me, very odd interpretations of:<BR/><BR/>egalitarianism<BR/>hierarchy<BR/>"power"<BR/>(sometimes this gets broken into<BR/>power-over<BR/>power-with<BR/>but sometimes people aren't even that specific)<BR/><BR/>that lead to some VERY simplistic "we should try as hard as we can to reduce power-over in our lives" type formulations<BR/><BR/>which are actually NOT useful at all because: what is power-over? Teachers, mentors, experts, parents, and friends often use it to help someone develop. And that's not sinister.<BR/><BR/>And I think that when the power/hierarchies in SM *are* more than play (which is actually fairly rarer than a lot of radfems suppose, IMO) this is the kind of thing a dominant partner is attempting. "How can I help you to grow?"<BR/><BR/>But if "hierarchy" or "power" is always on par with nonconsensual enslavement, always brutal and vicious, there's no room for enjoying dominance or submission.<BR/><BR/>Dominance just becomes wanting too much. Forcing someone into a lower position.<BR/><BR/>So I think what did a number on me was the combination of "anti-power" style theories and the crude egalitarianism I saw some people endorsing (or at least implying.)Trinityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06846032433424879965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760704342202547222.post-77786189694175683902007-06-27T21:21:00.000-07:002007-06-27T21:21:00.000-07:002nd half was very interesting. I don’t think you ...2nd half was <I>very</I> interesting. I don’t think you were wrong to read some radfems as claiming that sex is inherently something like a zero sum game - what I gain, you lose - at least in this world. It’s just that they’re profoundly wrong. I mention Marxist value theory partly because certain people, e.g. MacKinnon, built a whole theory by crude mechanical analogy to Marx. They were mostly faking it, just bullshitting, didn’t understand Marx <I>at all</I>, & the theory they produced turns out to be so shoddy as to be a scandal. It’s not good that it did a number on you, but I’m not surprised you didn’t stay thwarted. People figure things out. What you do to feel most alive takes no food from anyone’s mouth. It can produce pleasure for others. In this way it’s better than some other ways of pursuing limit experiences. You’re entitled to your projects, & it’s okay to feel alive. Yes?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760704342202547222.post-59516079490637784322007-06-27T20:35:00.000-07:002007-06-27T20:35:00.000-07:00"The egalitarian claim focuses on how much you’ve ..."The egalitarian claim focuses on how much you’ve got relative to others, irrespective of how you got it. The theft claim can tolerate any level of inequality, excess & poverty, just so long as nobody stole her excessive stuff from somebody else."<BR/><BR/>THANK YOU for actually addressing the second half of the post. I was beginning to think no one would.Trinityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06846032433424879965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760704342202547222.post-19523544634650009722007-06-27T18:34:00.000-07:002007-06-27T18:34:00.000-07:00Happily, sex isn’t like an order of French fries. ...Happily, sex isn’t like an order of French fries. Done properly, it’s not a zero-sum game, where every quantum of pleasure I experience leaves less pleasure for you.<BR/><BR/>The class thing comes in 2 flavors. There’s a theft claim & an egalitarian claim, & they can easily come into conflict. The egalitarian claim focuses on how much you’ve got relative to others, irrespective of how you got it. The theft claim can tolerate any level of inequality, excess & poverty, just so long as nobody stole her excessive stuff from somebody else. (Marxist value theory is a version of the theft claim. Owners of capital extract the surplus value produced by workers, so the story goes. If surplus value weren’t being extracted, Marxism would have no reason to complain about even extreme inequality.)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760704342202547222.post-45810168941137166702007-06-27T11:11:00.000-07:002007-06-27T11:11:00.000-07:00*raises hand* Low libido here, at least by compar...*raises hand* Low libido here, at least by comparison. As others have said, having sex makes you want more sex; for me that's always seemed like a matter of habit rather than a bodily need, possibly just because my libido isn't that high. I don't feel my life is lacking if I haven't had an orgasm for a couple of weeks, or months. I'll still think about sex at such times, even write about it, but I won't be wanting any. When I am having a more orgasmic phase (which is more often than not), I never want to come more than, at most, twice a day - after that, I just go totally off the boil for a while.<BR/><BR/>Perhaps it's just an impression I've got because a lot of women don't talk about this kind of thing, but I've never thought my low libido is particularly unusual.thenehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11851538869806389235noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760704342202547222.post-3632354141496260032007-06-27T08:01:00.000-07:002007-06-27T08:01:00.000-07:00"What? You think we're done?"I know the feeling.I ..."What? You think we're done?"<BR/><BR/>I know the feeling.<BR/><BR/>I often suspect some of men's fear of women's sexuality comes from exactly that, honestly.Trinityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06846032433424879965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760704342202547222.post-78601389801316802042007-06-26T20:09:00.000-07:002007-06-26T20:09:00.000-07:00Two popular quotes around the evolution household....Two popular quotes around the evolution household...<BR/><BR/>1: What? You think we're done?<BR/><BR/>2: You better call in back up!Renegade Evolutionhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17905949172886730262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760704342202547222.post-67312788027243029482007-06-26T19:47:00.000-07:002007-06-26T19:47:00.000-07:00"But seriously? I've scared some people I've been ..."But seriously? I've scared some people I've been with because they don't believe it. Both men and women have responded with fear."<BR/><BR/>I had a lover who was rather famous in the local BDSM scene for his "sluttiness" (term used affectionately) both in play and sex.<BR/><BR/>I freaked him out a bit, because we'd fuck in one way or another, cuddle a bit, and I'd be ready for another go.<BR/><BR/>He seemed amused by this, which I expected, but also somewhat *scared* of the idea that I'd want more than him. That I never understood -- especially since he definitely had me beat in number of sexual partners and probably also in number of play partners as well/Trinityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06846032433424879965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760704342202547222.post-18058312408932858742007-06-26T19:45:00.000-07:002007-06-26T19:45:00.000-07:00"as Trin says, i actually masturbate more when i'm..."as Trin says, i actually masturbate more when i'm getting a lot of sex. "<BR/><BR/>actuallyt hat's not it. I don't masturbate much when I'm with someone. I prefer sex with them and rarely bother. But ohhhhh boyo do I have a lot of said sex. :)Trinityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06846032433424879965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760704342202547222.post-68867972708241982542007-06-26T19:43:00.000-07:002007-06-26T19:43:00.000-07:00"I wasn't trying to startle the yokels, just could..."I wasn't trying to startle the yokels, just couldn't see any reason for them to stop me from having a good time."<BR/><BR/>Right on.<BR/><BR/>My first (and only to date) girlfriend was much more okay with this ( was actually the startled one, never having been gawked at in quite that manner for kissing men) than the men I've been with, who always seemed to think it unseemly.Trinityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06846032433424879965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760704342202547222.post-74340148648911739852007-06-26T17:06:00.000-07:002007-06-26T17:06:00.000-07:00count me in as someone who has a strong libido. as...count me in as someone who has a strong libido. as Trin says, i actually masturbate more when i'm getting a lot of sex. go figure, but when you're away from each other and the setting permits, i can't help but think about this or that and next thing you know...<BR/><BR/>the other thing i've been thinking a lot lately, especially after reading Longing to Tell is that somewhere, in our effort to say that all women are alike, we've done a disservice to the idea that we might not be -- and i mean in terms of "naturally".<BR/><BR/>I have orgasms really easily. For a long time, I thought it was just that women who had a hard time were psychologically blocked up. But that was when I was young. Now that I'm older and have talked to a lot more women, and read a lot more about women and sex, I really think some of us are just built differently. Which would make sense in terms of some of the evolutionary discussions about the clitoris and orgasms.<BR/><BR/>But seriously? I've scared some people I've been with because they don't believe it. Both men and women have responded with fear. The notion that _a woman_ is highly orgasmic just terrified them. For men, it was probably the madonna whore complex. for women -- I've never understood why they flipped out on me.<BR/><BR/>anyway...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760704342202547222.post-90858055049929419172007-06-26T15:52:00.000-07:002007-06-26T15:52:00.000-07:00During my younger years which were strictly same-s...During my younger years which were strictly same-sex I used to deep tongue kiss guys in public, even on buses. I wasn't trying to startle the yokels, just couldn't see any reason for them to stop me from having a good time.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760704342202547222.post-15148509611976825172007-06-25T13:13:00.000-07:002007-06-25T13:13:00.000-07:00"I think of a young woman I saw in my used booksho..."I think of a young woman I saw in my used bookshop once. She could not keep her hands off the guy she was with."<BR/><BR/>Ha! I tend to do that myself. Not the actual screwing, but well... when I want to kiss someone or be affectionate in public, things don't really stop me.<BR/><BR/>It seems to me like that actually embarrasses men far more often than it does women, but I could just have an odd sampling thing going on.Trinityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06846032433424879965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-760704342202547222.post-37850737100630039702007-06-25T11:31:00.000-07:002007-06-25T11:31:00.000-07:00When I read of women having less libido than men I...When I read of women having less libido than men I think of a young woman I saw in my used bookshop once. She could not keep her hands off the guy she was with. I half expected her to drag him to a back corner of the store and start screwing him there.<BR/><BR/>Of my very limited population of women that I’ve been friends or more with there’s never been any sign they wanted sex less than the guys I knew. But it is a self-selected group.<BR/><BR/>Generally the more I experience the more I want to experience. Be it repeating or incrementing intensity. <BR/><BR/>Recently I did suffer from libido loss. Most likely due to insufficient supplemental thyroid. That left me wanting much less than her. It was awful. It robbed me of my masochism and really cut into my having a good time with the one I love.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com