Okay, here's Thing I Am Confused By In BDSM no. 23235264369034314:
People who fetishise innocence and naivety in submissive women.
Most people I know find the 'But I'm thooooooo innothent' eyelash-batting princess sub type irritating if not nauseating. I don't see too much of it on IC, to be honest, but on various other sites it seems generally that the younger, the more inexperienced, the more naive the femsub, the better. Why is this such an apparent ideal? Is it all to do with a fantasy of corruption? Or is it a virgin fetish? Is this the madonna/whore dichotomy raising its weary, medusa-like head yet again? Or what?
I've been reading some Marquis de Sade short stories I hadn't really explored before, and it's easy to see where the virgin fetish emerges from in SM. It's the story of Eugenie de Franval, and this is de Sade's description of the girl de Franval was to marry:
"the girl was fifteen, and had the most delightful physiognomy to be found in Paris at that time ... one of those virginal faces, in which innocence and charm are depicted together, in the delicate features of love and the graces ... fine blonde hair floating below her waist, large blue eyes expressing tenderness and modesty ..."
You get the picture. The ideal for a lot of dominants now, still, I should imagine.
I don't think I have one of those virginal faces. At drama school and in the world of acting I've been told many times my casting stereotype would be 'wench', 'prostitute', 'whore', etc. Fun to play, but nonetheless hardly de Sade's ideal of submissive female beauty.
I didn't like being a 'pure' virginal teenager and I wanted to get rid of my virginity at the earliest possible opportunity. In truth, virginity made me feel dirty and ashamed. It just didn't match up with the rest of who I was. My fantasies by this point were pretty intense and explicit, always involving pretty intense sadism and masochism. I have never liked nice, sweet, respectful sex. I always wanted to be roughed up, called names, bite, scratch, lick cum off my face and emerge sweaty, hair all over the place, bruised, sore and grinning ecstatically on the other side. That was ever my fantasy. I wouldn't be rewarded for being dirty, but I wouldn't be punished either. It would just be accepted and acceptable as being as precious to me as first time fumbling, vanilla, missionary position virgin sex.
So the idea of purity and virginity? It just never sat too well with my head. I didn't want to 'give it away', as though I were marrying it (and therefore myself) off to someone! I wanted to misbehave and break rules and rebel. I felt uncomfortable with the idea that I 'owned' something people seemed to want to take from me, that it was somehow precious and important and sacred to be chaste and unspoiled. It seemed so utterly unimportant to me to 'give' it away to the Right Person, with whom I would inevitably live for eternity in loving, married bliss.
But, you know? If I end up single in later life, still a femsub, still look like a filthy Lilith rather than a virgin Mary, have I blown it? At the moment I'm still vaguely hanging onto the youthful bit, but that'll be gone in a few years.
x-posted on IC