A few days ago, a feminist blog I follow made a post regarding a male chastity device. It's pretty obvious that the thing's intended for BDSM fantasy play - or at least it is to me. The poster missed that the first time around, which is fine if she's not familiar with BDSM. Learn something new every day, right?I don't have much to add to what Zula says there.
What really gets me, though, is that after making an edit saying she missed that it was intended for fantasy play the first time around, she ends it with "Men get to fantasize about having their sexuality controlled, while everyone tries to control a woman's. Funny, innit."
GAH. So if a guy's a Dom, he's exercising male privilege by subjugating poor sub women like me, but if a guy's a sub, he's exercising male privilege by indulging in fantasies of subjugation (that for some reason women like me are incapable of)?
But uh? Wow. Just *wow*.
It's a common theme in anti-BDSM radfemville that a dominant guy is subjugating women for shits and giggles, but a submissive one is slummin'. I can't say I'm not startled to see it on popular feminist blogs, though.
Or that I'm not seething.
I'm honestly not sure what exactly we're supposed to take as evidence that everyone's BDSM is always man-centered. I mean, I get that a lot of what's packaged for consumption, even if it is "femdom," is often directed towards male markets and so geared to male fantasy.
But I really resent feminists -- feminists! -- telling me the power I claim consensually in the bedroom is a lie and a farce, when those same people would tell me that if Monkey and I switched, his power would suddenly become terrifyingly real.
Which is it, dammit?
And when exactly did it become feminist to disempower me because I'm female? I really would love to know... *sigh*
10 comments:
See, I think of it like science . .. if someone makes a non-falsifiable claim, the claim can safely be ignored.
So, if someone (just, y'know, 'for example') keeps claiming that no matter what aspect of BDSM they encounter, it's just more evidence that it's part of male oppression of the blahblahblah, well, there's nothing wrong, (and everything right) with wanting to know what evidence could, theoretically, prove otherwise.
And if there's no answer for that (or if it's a bullshit answer), the claim is bullshit.
---Myca
It's a common theme in anti-BDSM radfemville that a dominant guy is subjugating women for shits and giggles, but a submissive one is slummin'. I can't say I'm not startled to see it on popular feminist blogs, though.
I would be very startled to see that kind of thing on virtually any other feminist blog, popular or not. But Feministing? Somehow I'm not really surprised.
Edit: "on virtually any other (not radical) feminist blog"
Why are you not surprised at Feministing?
See, I think of it like science . .. if someone makes a non-falsifiable claim, the claim can safely be ignored.
That's a good point, Myca. Though just because it's non-falsifiable doesn't mean a lot of people don't believe it, unfortunately.
"See, I think of it like science . .. if someone makes a non-falsifiable claim, the claim can safely be ignored."
Oh, I agree. I'm just... in snarl mode. Or was when I wrote that. (Now I'm in post-sex happies and wants of sleep.)
Because of the long history of blogwars out of there. Granted, that's all been involving Valenti -- not the other bloggers there -- but, given the history, it doesn't surprise me that that's the blog where something like this would get spouted (as opposed to, say, Feministe).
I think the purposeful irony of the Feministing post is suppose to be that if you're really a sub male, you should like how this derisive feminist is marginalizing you. But perhaps I give her too much credit.
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